Wednesday, April 26, 2006♥
i wanna be happy, i try to...
people at my work place...
they cheers me up a little, advice me...
encourage me... so i dun feel so bad when i am at work...
my bestest friends... u were there for me...
darline.. jas.... shan... thankew so much...
i dun show it out anymore...
sadness will only be in my heart...
but i will not show it out anymore...
i strive to be happy....
but i am so scared to be left alone,
so scared to be at home...
everything around me remind me of you...
i make myself really busy...
just to get rid of the time i have to think of you...
i just wanna do things to distract me from you...
but....
my screensaver still appear photos of you and me...
the mini birthday party i did for you...
the genting photos we took at the hotel...
the keychain you bought for me,
with the name stephiebaby,
i still use it...
the keychain with our photo on it,
its still on my desk...
i still wear things u bought for me...
the abercrombie sweater..
the brazilian heels...
everything reminds me of you....
even when i am happy...
i tear....
the sadness is there...
i dunnno how to stop it...
you send me 2000 miles down a dead end road...
leaving me alone there now...
there is no turn back...
there is no way ahead....
how would you wan me to do?
how would you wan me to continue?
i'm stuck there... and u are not gonna save me...
ima clean up my room for me, throwing away all our photo,
and the rocher chocolates you bought for me...
even they are not there anymore,
everwhere i look at my room, things still linger....
i dunno why it hurts so bad this time round...
people say relationship breaks up is part and parcel of life.
i know...
but once i think about you loving
another girl when you are with me
when i give you my all...
when i think about all the lies you tell me..
i cant stop crying....
why fool me...
or izzit i am a fool myself...
return me back my love..
its not fair..
i treat u really good.
and now u are giving me nothing but pain..
its not fair...
u nvr be fair..
u nvr tell her..
and i am the one suffering..
why....
why i dun worth you love..
why u cant treasure me?
why let me go?
why treat me bad?
why....
why say you love me when ur heart has someone else...
why...
why leave me there dying...
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
It is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Parting is such sweet sorrow. 12:26 PM
For You. From Me.
" Let Me Let Go"
I thought it was over, baby
We said our goodbyes
But I can't go a day without your face
Goin' through my mind
In fact, not a single minute
Passes without you in it
Your voice, your touch, memories of your love
Are with me all of the time
Let me let go, baby
Let me let go
If this is for the best
Why are you still in my heart
Are you still in my soul
Let me let go
I talked to you the other day
Looks like you make your escape
You put us behind, no matter how I try
I can't do the same
Let me let go, baby
Let me let go
It just isn't right
I've been two thousand miles
Down a dead-end road
Let me let go, darlin', won't you
I just gotta know, yeah
If this is for the best
Why are you still in my heart
Are you still in my soul
Let me let go
The lights of this strange city are shinin'
But they don't hold no fascination for me
I try to find the bright side, baby
But everywhere I look
Everywhere I turn
You're all I see
Let me, let me let go, baby, won't you
Let me let go
It just isn't right
I've been two thousand miles
Down a dead-end road
Oh, let me let go, darlin', won't you
I just gotta know
If this is for the best
Why are you still in my heart
Yeah, you're still in my soul, let me let go
Let me let go, let me let go
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
It is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Parting is such sweet sorrow. 9:49 PM
Cruel 18th April 2006 Tuesday
i just wanna tell the whole world.
i have been hurt!
so hurt....
i was telling amanda i cried till my intestines gonna come out...
then she transfer for me in chinese...
its... gan chang chun duan....
you left me!
u fucking left me!
thanks darline for listening to me cry on the phone.
thanks for being there.
my eyes fucking swallon now...
my heart.. shattered to pieces...
the pain you give to me...
i will nvr forget....
the pain you give to me....
i will always remember....
i burn a CD for myself containing nothing but sad songs.
to listen before i sleep...
so i cry and sleep
and always remember the pain u give to me....
nothing is gonna save me...
you are not gonna save me...
one line... "i'm sorry, dont force, no happiness..."
send me black out immediately..
lying on the floor...
crying.... till my whole body trembles...
just like i have being beaten up badly on the boxing stage,
ting ting ting.... and i have lost!!!
I'M BEAUTIFULLY BROKEN
AND I DONT MIND
IF YOU KNOW IT!
DON'T CARE
IF I SHOW IT!
haha.. say me foolish.. say me crazy... say me stupid..
i am.. i admit...
i put in too much...
and all i got back was nothing but pain...
how am i suppose to not fall to pieces....
you are cruel....
i wonder if u ever love me...
u bare to see me cry like that
and you do nothing and say
that
I AM SCARY!
I SCARE YOU OFF!
I GIVE YOU STRESS!
I GIVE YOU NO FREEDOM!
hahhaha! what a joke...
seems like u have forgotten the good moments we had...
whenever u wanted something i always try my best for you.
you once told me not to disclose personal things on blog!
but i wanna tell the whole world i am hurt!
and its not fair!
its simply not worth it!
and i am fucking hurt!
it seems like u have just slashed a knife into my heart!
you fucking hurt me!!!!
you know it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING!!!!!
YOU JUST LEFT OUR LOVE
BLEEDING IN MY HANDS!!!!
silly me...
still beging you to love me back...
beg!!!!! that was wad i did!!!
hahah u just... "i'm sorry."
THANKS!
YOU WERE MY SUN..
YOU WERE MY EARTH....
BUT YOU DIDNT KNOW
ALL THE WAYS I LOVED YOU!
YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVE ME
WHY DID YOU LEFT ME
ALL ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!
sorry people.. think maybe one of the crudest entry
i ever had...
just bare with me...
i just need to let it all out.
i have been facing the walls to my bedroom
and all i can do is cry...
so just let me write something out.
let me pls...
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
It is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Parting is such sweet sorrow. 9:17 PM
Cry
when my friend have problem.
i always try to help.
try to ask them not to cry.
cuz its very sad to cry.
ur eyes get all swallon.
ur heart gets so pain
when was the time u last cry?
how did it go?
did u ever cry till the world black out.
or cry till ur eyes become so swallon
it cant open up?
or cry till u cant breathe?
or cry till ur mascara got all smerge
and u look worst than sadako.
or when u cry till u get gastric...
(thats when u forget to have ur meal)
or cry till all the mucals are one foot long.
did u cry till ur whole face turn red?
did u cry till u wish u cant cry....
sometimes to cry out is so much better....
i am a cry baby....
i cry badly...
i just cant hide my emotions...
are u like me?
do u hide ur tears?
if u do.. u are very strong..
i am not....
i am a weakling....
good night friends.... a short entry... rather boring...
but its just... my thoughts.. =)
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
It is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
pls come back to me... pls.....
Parting is such sweet sorrow. 9:37 PM
Thursday, April 13, 2006♥
perhaps is due to the inconsistency at my blogging.
i am trying very hard to update asap.
but its like... u see, time is little...
its like 1am in the morning..
and....
my life is stepping into the real world.
i'm no longer that protected.
quarrel with my ima the other day
she is still angry with me.
its been quite some time...
hai...
everything is rocky for me now...
hmmm... aiya.. dun wanna mention about sad things.
rather spend more time thinking about good times..
i try.
blogging sometimes makes me feel happy.
sometimes make me feel more sad...
aiya this is not what i am suppose to say at this entry
dunno why... just blurted out everything...
okok.. here comes the thing...
went to clark quay with my colleagues the other day...
amanda and sheda aka the famous spa girls,
leonard aka my teacher, jeremy aka my supervisor
and ariel the retail girl.
a photo of us deciding where to go... outside mac... hahah
silly us!
ya the few of us.
and i got a little tipsy,
no! not drunk,
just a little high...
i think i kept hugging amanda and smiling like a silly girl.
i think it makes me and my colleague closer.
but bad thing is when we are back to work the next day.
haiz.. all the disgraceful things spread around la..
things like amanda fell off the chair...
sheda went scandalism...
me got drunk...
haiz.. its fast la.. better than internet...
better than tammy! hahahahaha
everything is ok at work now.
cuz i got sheda and amanda.
it kinda cheers me up when i got shift with them.
today there;s a new girl... call michelle.
hmm.. i dunno ar, we'll see...
i think work will continue...
still not thinking of quiting...
its a good sign... hahaha
cuz usually by this time..
i will be dragging to work and wanting to leave at other jobs.
ya.. although....
sometimes i let fucked up customer kan abit here and there.
and sometimes leonard throws temper at me..
and sometimes scold me... and say i forgettful and slow.
and sheda kept disturbing about my flabby arms...
and got scolded from jeremy for making mistakes.
and got pinch by leonard a million times...
ya everything is still fine..
haha thats the fun part of working la...
not to mention the real nasty part..
shhh... every company has got politics...
just dun feel like saying.. shhh...
ok to end this entry with photos...
its our private toilet's mirror...
ya.. i admit we are vain pot....
alright.. we are reallying not eating snake... its just toilet break....
i told u... working is fun when u have friends.. no bluff..
ok... after that we need to go back to do closing..
cant remember if leonard scolded us for taking such a long time...
ya good night...
i am trying to make my everyday better...
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
It is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Parting is such sweet sorrow. 12:51 AM
Pizza Walker
sorry i know i blog very little nowadays...
was really trying to adapt to the new busy life i am having now...
working... tuition... and lots more to come...
need to go for my hair treatment also...
to solve my hair lose problem..
ya so much to do.. so little time..
and getting so tired...
at least now everything is more or less settle...
i get some time off to blog.
yeah.. lovevin has stop tuition...
yeah so i am like one load off..
but its still really kinda tiring for me..
plan to go for gym...
but i dun think i have the time.....
i got so much to update..
but i really dunno to start from where..
think i will just like to start from..
last week bah..
hahahah
i went out to meet junel..
cuz i was really bored..
and it;s my off day...
we went did some shopping..
a little nia la...
and the most impt part..
we ate at this place..
i eat till i almost vomit la can...
the place is at wisma...
call pizza walker...
while waited for our food...
yeah posing again heh stepy~!
oh btw... my colleague like to call me stepy... without the H. lol
and my hair looks kinda long down there....
i cut my hair.. its really neat and shorter...
i told the hairdresser...
not too much layer.. need to tie bun..
fringe must be neat....
and ya.. outcome: really neat hairdo loL!
cuz i used to have so much layer...
then hairdresser ask: so.. u flying now?
inside my heart: ya i wish i am.... lol!!!!!!!! hahahahahahahha
but i ans: no la.. i work at hotel frontdesk... lol
oh back to our pretty face...
ya... pretty means pretty.. no need to pose too much. hahaha madness..
my lagsana!!!!
dun think i just ate that...
i ate pizza before that main course... and
ice cream after main course!
so much right! going fat already la..
our food... its really yummy la...
okie la.. thats about ti... its late.. tmr need wakie early also..
more episode to come..
and i think next i will talk about me getting really drunk that day....
hahahah
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
It is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Parting is such sweet sorrow. 1:46 AM
My 235 Guy
larrvvee him...my bueebiee...
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
It is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Parting is such sweet sorrow. 6:19 PM
